Okay – dead serious right now. My mojo is gone. GONE I TELL YOU!!!! I woke up and someone had stolen my MOJO! But then again this makes me think… perhaps I did not lose my creativity… perhaps everyone else in the world (yes everyone, including you, not including me) got incredibly dull and boring leaving me with nothing to jib jab about. Like honestly let’s be real how many more times can I drop those Lindsay Lohan riding the white pony jokes… Taylor Swift has done nothing of interest or even of uninterest lately, looks as if I succeeded in scaring her back to Whoville (Mission Accomplished!). Beyonce had her baby and named it something really bizarre, not sure if it was bad or good, but I can’t really comment because I am in hiding from the Illuminati. Oh I lost my phone, now I am stuck with this PIECE the blackberry pearl… And my younger brother is grounded which leads me to deduce that he will not be getting access to his iphone 4 which means I will not be getting access to his Droid… BLAST. Oh I went to Amish country… not sure if I have mentioned this but I find the Amish FASCINATING! They are so so so so so cool, so we went to Lancaster, and watched them in their natural habitat! It was fascinating, and then I got some dare slim jims, and dared myself to eat them, which I did! They were quite spicy and made my mouth feel like hot fire, but it really did burn so good. Ah yes, I bought Russian boyfriend a snake, which he proceeded to name Spartacus (Sparty for short). Unfortch, Sparty life of the Party, ran away and is now missing in his apartment… GRANDIOSO! Ah yes and my blonde ex-gymnast friend who rides a horse named Victoria and may or may not go to an exclusive private college in and around Lancaster, PA, may have had to CANCEL HER FREAKING MARDI GRAS FLIGHT AND ONLY BE ABLE TO STAY ONE NIGHT. Which means I will be drinking alone on my 5:50 AM flight SQUASH BANANAS FREAKING SQUASH BANANAS! The Golden Globes were AWFUL, I didn’t even watch it because I have magical powers and could sense that they were going to be awful… Omgosh, shall we talk more about the demise of the entertainment world, LL Cool J is hosting the Grammys? Wtf? I’m sorry was every other single person on the planet booked that night?!!?!?!?!?!?!? Couldn’t even get Aaron Carter to hop down from his Elf hut in the sky? NOT EVEN JESSE MCCARTNEY!? LL cool J!??!?! Couldn’t get lil romeo or lil bow wow or even Kendall and Kyle Jenner… I am sure Kris Jenner would have done it, at least I could laugh at her. Oh yes and Mark Wahlberg insulted every single person who was affected by 9/11, by saying he could have stopped the attacks by himself… How insensitive could you be?!!? Celebrities would be so much better if they just didn’t ever open their mouths. Miley Cyrus got drunk on margs last night… well that makes one of us. Must be nice to be a celebrity and not have to WAKE UP AND GO TO WORK EVERY MORNING! JIMINEY CRICKET! Everyone has lost their flavour and panache!
Just because it is cold outside, doesn’t mean everyone can become little spineless jellyfishes with pale skin and no personality! Spice up your life PEOPLE! SPICE IT UP!
If I am going to be forced to live in a world where people think the song “Rack City” is cool, then please do something interesting so I can have something to make fun of.
Also Amanda, Kenza, and Leah are in Rome. Bon Giuorno and ciao ciao ciao. Try not to fraternize with any KBG sleeper spies. Also when you begin buying presents, think of me, I would like mini statues, wine, scarves and other cool italiano accessories, an Italian stallion (an actual horse not a boy), Jewels, one of the royal Monaco sons, for me to date etc. etc. etc. you know what I like.
Okay I will try to find stuff to write about but I have begun to lose hope in human-kind.
Goodbye.
