Hi. I am actually not a skyscraper I am more of a native American hut, but whose keeping track! Welcome back for another fab Friday blog post! Wahoo and yayz!
So the first thing I wanted to talk about is a little article I saw about Ashley Olsen retiring… first of all retiring from what? When is the last time you even acted? Also don’t insult people that have worked their entire lives in manual labor by using the term retiring. Listen I am sure acting isn’t an entire cake walk but I mean come on are you serious? Compared to ice road truckers and even the whole rest of the 99% your whole life has been retirement.
Anyway, then it goes on to say that Ash is not only retiring from acting, she is retiring from acting to focus on her true passion… fashion. Like what? HAVE YOU LOOKED IN THE MIRROR?! Heaven help us. Like let’s be honest you are pulling a Jay Z and you will be acting again in no time. I mean honestly though as far as the rest of us are concerned you have been retired since So Little Time went of the air… just sayin. Also let’s be honest Ash, is it really that acting has been so detrimental to your life or that your life’s calling really is fashion? Or is it really that your little sister just out did you and is Hollywood’s new It girl and you just can’t handle that? You were always the pretty twin, but then little Lizzie steps in and steals the spotlight… Well Ash, if you can’t handle the heat then maybe you should get out of the kitchen.
But then again Ashley will probably flourish with her fashion career because there is a select group of the 1% that will pay hundreds of dollars to look homeless… It is similar to some of the Free People clothes… pay 300 dollars to look poor… Do I get it? No… but live and let live…..
A loyal fan and minion and blog worker sent this to me… credit to Briana Iacoboni (but why were you even reading tigerbeat in the first place?).
Ah yes the title is Taylor’s pity party… love it, those are the only parties she ever goes to! I mean where do we even start? The whole thing is just waiting for me to dive in hahahahaha. I laugh so hard. Okay, so apparently Taylor has a disease… GND, girl next door itis… I mean I would probably just say that she is annoying, but if she wants to call it that she can… Like I can just imagine her as one of these super clingy, lovey dovey, I have to be the little spoon every night type of people… Like calm yo self. Being in love is great everyone deserves it, but the fairytale sappy crap needs to stop, not attractive for a girl in her mid 20’s, you aren’t 12.
Ah yes then she goes on to talk about her pathetic single girls party. Like really? Key word pathetic. First of all your party sucks, you didn’t even give your guests wine to drown their sorrows? What kind of pity party is that? No party I would ever attend. Then you made cards about why you were single… I would love to see these, because I have quite a few theories of my own…
Oh and then Taylor talks about how she is not popular with the boys… okay that’s because in Hollywood you are going up against girls that are actually going to put out. Don’t tell me if you don’t walk into a mall that no boys come up to you and ask you on a date! Go home and go to a rodeo, I am sure guys would be dying to talk to you. So don’t feed me your bull poop Taylor… I know what you are, you are a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and I don’t feel bad for you not one bit!
Ah and then there is the old, I sit by myself and watch law and order… I do that all the time and I have a boyfriend! Law and order is awesome Taylor, and it’s better watching it alone so people don’t disturb you and you always have that friend that thinks they are a detective and keeps trying to solve the murder and you are just like shut the fruit up let Olivia and Elliot solve it because it’s their job and their show and sometimes I hate you. Or you have that friend that has already seen the episode and either a. Spoils it for you so they don’t have to watch or chisels away at their computer keys because they are “bored” like calm yo self child. So yeah, shut up. Also why don’t you try dating a guy that sings country music with some good southern values, like really John Mayer is a tool and you thought he would be the one? Even I know better than that. And also you shouldn’t be texting boys, make you seem as desperate as this article.
Okay that is all for now!